Words of Sympathy

If you’re like most, you’re probably at a loss for words when a good friend’s close relative passes away.  It is tough, that’s for sure – I can relate, because I’ve lived it, too.

We would like to offer words of sympathy, but they can feel inadequate, or we’re afraid we might make the person feel worse than they already do.  I found a wonderful article and resource, which suggests clear examples of what you can say or do to help your friend thru the bereavement process. I hope it can help you to find the words you need to comfort someone in their time of need.

I’ve worked very hard to pick out some of the best cards for you, be sure to visit the Care and Concern section of my web site to find a caring card for your words of sympathy.

Here is a synopsis about offering words of sympathy:

Words of Sympathy Do’s:
•Acknowledge the situation. Example: “I heard that your_____ died.” Use the word “died” That will show that you are more open to talk about how the person really feels.
•Express your concern. Example: “I’m sorry to hear that this happened to you.”
•Be genuine in your communication and don’t hide your feelings. Example: “I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care.”
•Offer your support. Example: “Tell me what I can do for you.”
•Ask how he or she feels, and don’t assume you know how the bereaved person feels on any given day.
Source: American Cancer Society

Words of Sympathy Don’ts:
•”I know how you feel.” One can never know how another may feel. You could, instead, ask your friend to tell you how he or she feels.
•”It’s part of God’s plan.” This phrase can make people angry and they often respond with, “What plan? Nobody told me about any plan.”
•”Look at what you have to be thankful for.” They know they have things to be thankful for, but right now they are not important.
•”He’s in a better place now.” The bereaved may or may not believe this. Keep your beliefs to yourself unless asked.
•”This is behind you now; it’s time to get on with your life.” Sometimes the bereaved are resistant to getting on with because they feel this means “forgetting” their loved one. In addition, moving on is easier said than done. Grief has a mind of its own and works at its own pace.
•Statements that begin with “You should” or “You will.” These statements are too directive. Instead you could begin your comments with: “Have you thought about. . .” or “You might. . .”
Source: American Hospice Foundation

“The most important thing you can do for a grieving person is to simply be there. “